Satire : A Pakistani Drawing Room Conversation

Reading Time: 4 minutes

It is a common pass time to sit with your friends and/or colleagues in your drawing room, sip chai (Tea) and discuss politics, in Pakistan and perhaps in other parts of the world too. Here you would find that the way politics is discussed is no different from those forwarded Whatsapp messages you may have received or heard of from people you know.

Usually just short of numerous people screaming from really small sections of the screen -like in news-talk shows- you’d find absolutely bizarre conspiracy theories being exchanged, people claiming things which they may have heard somewhere which make absolutely no sense or have no factual basis for existence. Maybe you have encountered such a scene where you found yourself in such a scenario, wanting to lash out and scream at all the preposterous claims being thrown around but being unable to do so because you’re often merely a ‘child’ in an adult’s setting.

Wondering what this scene looks like? Maybe you know exactly what this looks like and just want to see how it would be if you ever did intervene? Or do you have no idea what I am talking about, you seem to remember only sensible discussions in your drawing room? You’ll find below is a creation of a fictitious but scarily real  representation of such a scenario. Perhaps if you have any of your own such stories, be sure to send them our way.

Ayub: Everyone is so corrupt in this country, these politicians I tell you are selling us out! We should be giving health and education to the people; these highways and metro buses don’t do anything.

Yahya: Right on point Ayub Sahab, look at how they are dealing with India for example, these politicians have no spine! Our Jawaans can break India up in weeks I tell you, why have the atom bomb if we never use it? The world should see our strength. Asal mein Ayub sahib the real problem is our people, they just keep on voting for these corrupt politicians.

Ayub: Democracy just doesn’t work; the US Dollar was PKR 60 during the time when Gen. Musharraf was here, what a great time that was. Now they call him a traitor, Uff these politicians are the real traitors, anyone who does good by the country, they call them a traitor and want to hang them to death.

Yahya: Very insightful Ayub sahib, look at this Malala for example, they give praise to her for no reason and ignore real heroes of our country like Edhi Saheb. These politicians just want dollars and will do anything for them. They just want asylum in the future after they retire from looting us, never come back, like that Malala! (Genuine disgust on Yahya’s face)

Mujib: But uncle, Malala just visited Pakistan recently. Her life was threatened by the Taliban, what can you expect? Edhi Saheb was given all forms of national awards for his services, everyone respects him, how does Malala’s respect take away from his work and honor, he would have never thought this way if he were alive.

Ayub: (waving dismissively) Arey Mujib you are too young to understand, they just want to defame our country and make us look bad. They favor only India and want to break Pakistan, remember what I told you about the fall of Dhaka? Aisey visiting like tourist is nothing, she should live here like us common people.

Mujib: (confused) Who is ‘they’ uncle Ji? Doesn’t Saleem khalu live in UK too? Is he also Anti-Pakistan?

Ayub: Arey You know them, the west beta, Amreeka! Don’t talk about your elders like that okay, that is different, he just wants to support and feed his family, these politicians have left nothing for him.

Mujib: But how does giving respect to Malala defame Pakistan? How is giving her Nobel prize going to destroy Pakistan? Honoring Professor Salam the Nobel didn’t break Pakistan lekin.

Yahya: (chuckles) Arey chotay sahib asks a lot of question. Beta you are young you don’t understand, why else would they give her the prize, what has she done for Pakistan? She has done nothing to deserve such a lavish life in London, you should know beta you work so hard for your exams, if you could get everything by just getting hit by a bullet, why wouldn’t you? Why don’t the APS children get that fame? I saw a poor child’s picture who got hit by multiple bullets, what a tragedy, he should get such chances too.

Mujib: Uncle, how is getting hit by a bullet simple and easy? You get scared by people passing your car on motorcycles lekin. Uncle, she spoke against the Taliban while living inside their territory, you know? In those times, even politicians used to be scared and used to either live in Islamabad or make peace with Mullah Fazlullah (Influential Taliban Commander, later leader). Now she is making schools in Swat and nearby areas, even supporting Syrian refugees about whom you say no one shares posts on Facebook. That APS child you saw on ‘Facebook’ is also living in UK supported by Malala Fund so are Malala’s friends who also got attacked by the Taliban.

Ayub: Arey beta, that is so simple, you are much too young and don’t understand, it is just a very elaborate game, you will understand when you are older. Also, I hope you don’t say names of such Taliban people in school or around, it could get dangerous, everything is not a joke.

Mujib: I just said that she…

Yahya: (waves dismissively) It is good you keep interest in these things but don’t get too involved, it’s not a job of moral people like ourselves to get involved in politics, our lives are great without it.

Ayub: You are right, everyone is so corrupt in this country, these politicians I tell you are selling us out!

(This is a satirical conversation taking place between fictitious characters. Any resemblance to real life personalities is purely coincidental)

 

Zaid Abro

On-going undergraduate in Economics and History. I write about current affairs, culture and business. Live in Lahore but my heart stays in Karachi

Published by
Zaid Abro

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